Hello
by IAintPunkRock
Summary: A little Bonkai one-shot based from Adele's new song Hello.


_**Hello – Bonkai**_

Bonnie crossed the street, looking at her left and right first to avoid the passing vehicles. Her feet are hurrying, her body is tensed, and a smile that reaches her eyes seemed to be plastered on her glowing face. It's forty past twelve in the afternoon; the sun is showing off its radiance. Her eyes are roaming over the place, over the busy city full of the throng of busy people.

She's in Los Angeles, California. She had been for the almost two years now. She can't lie however that it felt like only yesterday when she left Mystic Falls. It was difficult at first. There were nights before when she missed everything and everyone at that god forsaken town. _She knew that steeping out of Mystic Falls kind of really means leaving her home, her friends and all the memories._ Bonnie has to reduce, if not cut, her communication with the Scooby Doo Gang. She has to, or else she might not just take the homesickness and go back.

She can't go back. Not anymore.

She sighed when she saw the telephone booth. It was easy to spot; its red walls make it attractive and obvious to the eyes. She jogged towards it, pushing past the men carrying their briefcases and women wearing their executive attires.

Bonnie licked her parched lips. Standing in front of the booth, she feels extremely nervous. Not an hour ago prior her job interview, she could have sworn that her heart is jumping out of her chest - she felt like hyperventilating. But standing like a post in the middle of the sidewalk, Bonnie knows that this is another kind of nervous. This is the kind of nervous that she had been through a million times ago.

The kind of nervous that she can say she didn't like but can't stop doing.

She made a small step inside the booth, lifting the telephone from its cradle. She put the receiver in her ear, listening to the monotonous dial tone. She bit her lip, commanding herself to still herself. Bonnie remembers when she was young that she used to pretend that she is talking to someone over the phone, only to listen to the buzz. It had always calmed her, that constant sound – it sort of made her feel safe. Bonnie had always fed on permanence, on constancy, on patterns.

She reached on the pocket of her skinny jeans for some coins. She grinned at herself, recalling how _he_ hated skinny jeans. Skinny jeans made him felt all bunched up. And he even complained on why jeans are so tight when phones are so big. She dropped a penny. Metals clanked.

Her jittery fingers dialed the numbers. Numbers that she had memorized. Numbers that she can recite with her eyes closed, even while sleeping. Numbers that she dare to keep in her confused mind. _His phone number._

The line rang for about ten seconds. Bonnie waited patiently although her heart is already beating erratically. All the while she had been swallowing repeatedly, composing her words into cohesion, making an effort to keep herself together.

Then she heard the same mechanical voice she had heard two years ago.

"Hi there, loser. This is Kai Parker. I don't know the reason of your call but I can't talk right now. I'm probably out on a murder spree or at a supermarket buying more jars of jams. If you're not aware, jams are great. Oh, and if you have a message for me, please leave it after the beep. But friendly advice, I may or may not listen to it. I am the megapowerful Gemini coven leader; I decide."

A warm feeling crept up Bonnie. She had always been annoyed by how talkative Kai is. What makes it worse, she thought, is that he talks either only about jams or pork rinds. But right at that moment, Bonnie had never been so happy to hear Kai blabbing about food even on his answering machine.

 _Beep._

Bonnie took a deep breath. Then she closed her eyes firmly, concentrating on what she will say.

" **Hello, it's me"** , she started, rather lamely. Bonnie couldn't think of any creative introductions so she settled for the simplest one. **"** I noticed you haven't really changed your answering machine. More and more I listen to those lines, I felt like my brain cells are dying", she joked to fill the silence that followed her first sentence. Her mind is running hundreds of miles a second, contemplating on her every utterance. She's Bonnie Bennett; of course she is going to overthink all of these.

" **I was wondering if after all these years you'd like to meet to go over everything"** , she spilled. "I mean, guess what? Remember when I'd told you once how I love to be a Literature professor and then you teased me endless about it? Well surprise, because next week I'm going to be Professor Bennett. I got accepted at the California University, Kai!" Her voice sounded of genuine happiness and excitement.

Then she sniffled.

"Screw it", she mumbled to herself, tears pooling over her eyes. "Before you mock me again, these are tears of joy", she said although she knows the person in the other line can't really see her face. _So much for faking your thrill, Bonnie._

Bonnie shivered. Then she gave in to her bottled emotions. Stubborn tears that Bonnie knows well can ruin her mascara began falling down. In mere seconds, she is a mess – both physically and emotionally.

"Elena told me not to call you again. She said that's the first phase in the moving on process. Leave it to Miss Gilbert to be the expert in that", Bonnie sniggered, a half-assed attempt to suppress her sobs. **"They said that time's supposed to heal"** , Bonnie drew a sharp intake of oxygen. **"But I ain't done much healing"** , she declared in a rush. She thought it was embarrassing to admit that feeble truth but after she had it out she at least felt better.

" **Hello, can you hear me?"** Bonnie said in a whisper, unconsciously hoping that a voice – his voice- will reply. She learned in her Psychology 101 that having false hopes will eventually pave way to big disappointments. But she didn't care right now.

" **I'm in California"** , Bonnie said in a bragging tone, aware that it is included in Kai's bucket list to visit the City of Angels. Bonnie made a comment about that goal of his, stating that Kai will be seen easily at Los Angeles regardless of the crowd that is populating the metropolis. "You are the devil incarnate, who wanted to stray at the City of Angels", Bonnie told Kai once during their playful banter.

"It's beautiful here, although a bit polluted", she said. _But it could have been more beautiful if you're here_ , Bonnie's subconscious shouted. "There are a lot of parks and fast food chains. Oh, and just last week I was at this awesome restaurant and it was the best", she added. Kai's fixation in cooking had impressed her. It was the only time Bonnie had seen him so profusely focused on something. "It's a very good place to stay at." Bonnie wiped her tears with the back of her hand. "But sometimes – just sometimes – I can't stop **dreaming about who we used to be.** You know, **when we were younger and free."**

She's shaking and her lips are trembling. She's been stifling her moans. There she was inside the telephone booth, as if on her own world, while the whole Los Angeles, California is spinning rapidly, not giving a damn about someone who is shattering from inside.

"I just – **I've forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet."** She has to be honest. During some sleepless evenings she couldn't stop imagining what could it had been if Kai and she met at completely different circumstances. If they had not been forced by fate to manipulate each other to survive. If they had not been selfishly used by the people they care about like some material things and not like actual people. If they were given the chance to spend more time together. If they were given the opportunity to correct their mistakes. If they at least had one more minute to themselves so they can they explain to each other what had happened.

Worst case scenario is when Bonnie goes down memory lane and think of how she had been naïve to judge Kai by who he was. How raw of her to believe that bad people can't change. It was that belief that took Kai away from her.

"Where are you right now though?" Bonnie asked, knowing the answer but asking nonetheless. **"There's such a difference between us** , I know, **and a million miles** , but maybe-"

She didn't finish her sentence because she has to distance the phone from her. She's crying and she has to cover her mouth so as not to make a sound.

After seconds of collecting herself, she put the speaker in her mouth again. **"Hello, how are you?"** Her tone is perky now, masking the sadness that had engulfed her just a while ago. **"It's sp typical of me to talk about myself, I'm sorry"** , she apologized. Then she giggled. She remembered that joke Kai had told her way back that made her giggled for like a minute. She can't really remember the punchline but she knows it's funny. And her chest commenced on its constriction again, making breathing hard for her. Memories of him always had that effect on her.

" **I hope you're well."** She had been meaning to tell that to him. "I'm here now at California, living the dream and you, **did you ever make it out that town where nothing ever happened?"** Kai loved Portland, his hometown. He said he is proud of it, that it is the stomping grounds of Courtney Love, Tonya Harding and 'tons of other awesome people'. But the same place where he grew up is full of pain. He was treated as the social pariah by his family and relatives and he had never wanted anything more than to escape that hell. He wanted to get out. "Thinking of it, when you mentioned 'tons of awesome other people' did you include in yourself? Cause I don't think you're really that great –"

 _Last 3 minutes._ The words flashed on the screen on the telephone machine. Bonnie tried to reach out on her pocket again for spare change but found nothing. She groaned.

"So apparently, I only have 3 more minutes to talk. Funny because from the start, you and I know that **it's no secret that the both of us are running out of time."** It was one of her regrets. Had Kai and she had stayed together and discovered things about each other, will something change? Had she understood him earlier, will she still proceed on that plan to hurt him?

All those thoughts made her head ache. Made her heart ache more than anything else. It hurts. It still does. She didn't see it coming. She never expected that she'll feel something for him – more importantly, love. He was a sociopath. And Damon just had to tell her that Kai had almost died sending Jeremy to the 1994 Prison World that fateful day when she decided to kill herself. It was his sister Liv, who stabbed him with a fireplace poker. Kai could've also killed her for the attempt but he didn't. And when Damon and Elena went to get Lily Salvatore from the 1903 Prison World – when she buried that knife in his back, and he could've easily threw her a spell that can harm her but he didn't. He cloaked himself as his last resort. But then again she can't forget that look on his eyes – on his deep blue eyes that resembled the ocean. It was a look of betrayal. Of loss. Of hopelessness. Of pain.

Bonnie had hurt Kai intentionally. And maybe it was too late to reflect on it but she couldn't seem to forgive herself for it.

 **"So hello from the other side"** , Bonnie was kidding when she spoke those words but it hit home. She knows there is no other side anymore. It collapsed when she died before. Kai is not there. **"I must've called you a thousand times to tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done"** , she claimed rather truthfully. She recognized that it is futile – to call him and flood his answering machine with her messages but she didn't stop. She still pays for his phone bill so she can keep calling him. _So she can keep pretending he's still alive._ **"But when I call you never seem to be home"** , she accused him only to laugh at herself after. 

" **Hello from the outside"** , Bonnie said again. "Wherever that is. Wherever you may be right now. **At least I can say that I've tried – to tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart."** That was most excruciating truth of all. She questioned herself why Kai had saved her numerous times, why Kai didn't her when he could have. And she arrived at the answer: Kai had loved her. And that revelation broke her. It had ruined her beyond repair. It bothered for days and weeks because yes, he had feelings for her and she looked past that and stared at every stain he did instead of his overwhelming effort to clean up. And then she wished she can go back and rewind time.

"But I guess – **But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore"** , she said bitterly. It was not a lie. Kai is gone, dead. And she, Bonnie Bennett, is well and alive when you look at her. But look a little harder and you'll probably make out the suffering she's been keeping. The wounds she's been nursing but never seemed to heal. The scars that had closed and all but still seemed to hurt. Kai is not here anymore. He'd left her. That's what he always does. He always leaves her. And it's not supposed to be a big deal for her but she can't help it.

Apparently, she had to lose him first to realize his worth.

Bonnie shut her eyes tightly. She wrapped her right arm around herself, her left still holding the phone. She listened to the rhythm of her breathing, the beat of her pulse. She didn't concern herself anymore with the fact that her face is wet with her own tears already.

"Kai?" she whispered. It was still on her, the stupid optimism that she's been holding on – the only thing that makes her want to wake up every morning – that one day, Kai will be back. For all she knows, he might be watching everyone now, chuckling at everyone, perhaps guffawing whenever she makes something ridiculous. Bonnie is still counting on the dream that Kai will be back.

 _Beep. Your call is over. This is your last five seconds._

Five.

"Kai."

Four.

"Kai?"

Three.

"Kai!"

Two.

"I love you."

One.

 _Line terminated._

Everything stopped. It was like she is a character in a movie and someone paused it. It was the first time she said it out loud. Not because she's ashamed of it. No, she's way past that. She had wanted to tell those three words to him in personal.

Something snapped. Something that she had been fixing for a very long time _._ Sharp shards of glasses seem to scrape at the place where her heart should be.

She crouched at the tiny space in the booth. She'd been swallowing her whimpers and sniffling. She hugged her knees, comforting herself.

She was there, the girl everyone had leant on to, Bonnie Bennett, her world crumbling apart. She gazed at the people walking around. And then she wondered how could the planet seemed to be still spinning when her own is on pieces.


End file.
